I am leaving town tomorrow for an overnight trip to San Diego which is awesome but almost more work than it's worth. Since Amy's coming to take care of the children (both fur kind and human kind), I want to make sure the house is super clean. Sheets changed, bathrooms and kitchen scrubbed, laundry done. I also promised Jake I'd make some spaghetti sauce, so I guess I'm House Bitch Extraordinaire today. I'd rather be at the beach, frankly.

I decided (okay, my wallet decided) to eschew (can we talk about what an awesome word that is? I'll wait.) the hairdresser for the boys' haircuts and instead took them to Super Cuts, a place whose door I haven't darkened in probably 20 years. I was nervous which is lame, but their hair is srs bsns, okay? The haircuts turned out great, but what is with the product pushing? Do little boys really need $25 bottles of conditioner? No, they don't. Neither does that bald man whose remaining 25 hairs you just shaved off. I am sorry you don't get paid enough, but please do not try to supplement your meager income by trying to push $25 bottles of conditioner on me and poor bald men and please do not wrinkle your nose at me when I tell you that they use Suave. *I* use Suave, too, and my hair is rad. Plus it's less than $2 a BOTTLE; when you've got three long-haired people using a shit-ton of conditioner every time they shower, you have to be frugal. What's funny, though, is how she tried to tell me that their hair is 'very dry and damaged'. Bitch, what? Have you taken a mirror to the back of your head because I'm thinking maybe you're confused about what dry and damaged is. Plus you have a perm, so really wtf do you know? Just cut. their. hair.

I hate upselling. Nothing turns me off more. It's like going to the vet and they immediately try to upsell you into teeth cleaning and a vitamin/food regimen that's guaranteed to make your dog stop shedding, or the chiropractor and their supplements and protein powders, all so you can have a Better Life! Well shit, are you telling me that for 40 years, it's all been a sham? Not that I'm 40 or anything, it's just the first number the popped out.

We met some friends for dinner Saturday night and I have to say: I had the best time I've had out in a long time. We shut the place down (at 10pm, hahaha we're old) and really didn't want to leave. We ate more food than should be legal, we shared forks (I love being that comfortable with people) and stories of animal treachery. I learnt about how dolphins are assholes - we've decided they're the monkeys of the sea. I'd tell you all about it, but I don't want to shatter your illusions of Flipper grandeur, so believe me when I say: Monkeys of the sea, people, minus the opposable thumbs. I think that about says it all. I feel badly, though, that Jennie's birthday had to be shadowed by tales of violent dolphin shenanigans, but I guess the Truth isn't really concerned about birthday celebrations, that bitch.